The Ease of a Convenience Store God

Hey all, sorry for that whole no posts in nearly a month thing.
The more I think about God the more I think that He’s incredibly tired of humanity. I mean, sometimes I think He sits up there and grimaces, slumped over in the throne, face in His hands exasperated at the far too occasional stupidity of His human creations far below thinking to Himself, “I really should have stopped when I created those lions and tigers; that’s what I get for being greedy.” This is the visual that I got of God when I was listening to the radio and heard about another dumb athlete saying something incredibly dumb after doing something insanely dumb, this time it was Caleb King, a running back at the University of Georgia – once considered Tailback University but now more apt to be the place for talented football players to play average football and then get arrested in the off season – who was deemed academically ineligible for Fall semester and thus ending what was a poor college career considering the fanfare he received when he entered UGA as a “student-athlete” (LOL at that term). After getting the news that he was ineligible he went to the dumb athlete megaphone, Twitter, and let off with this comedy…
“Somethings u cant control, and what seems bad right now might turn out good. Too [sic] all of my homeboyz hold UGA down don’t let them brake [sic] u…”
Later he wrote: “I see u when I see u. U cant stress about it Just let God take control.
Now I’m gonna let you giggle at that tweet in its entirety once you come to the realization that it came from a COLLEGE SENIOR enrolled in what people consider the most prestigious and sought after university in the state of Georgia, meanwhile, some kid with a 2000 SAT and 3.4 high school GPA is on the waiting list…anyway.  The part of this madness we will focus on is that which is italicized and bolded. That stuff about just letting God take control. Comical. Not in the sense that letting God have control of your life is a bad thing; but in the sense that you fly a plane into the side of a mountain and then step away from the flaming wreckage and THEN say, “Here God, you can have control of this sumabitch now.” In Caleb’s defense it’s not just him. How many athletes, public figures and regular ol’ folk have you seen get into some kind of trouble and then in a play for public sympathy or to sway overall general opinion they find God, Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Krishna, or some combination of listed deities to lessen the heat? Now, as long as you’re topside of the ground it’s never too late to find your place in God but I’m here to promote the idea of the pre-emptive strike.
Perhaps, Caleb would be putting on that red UGA jersey and playing this fall instead of watching on the couch like me had he let God take control of his study habits?
Perhaps Mike Vick wouldn’t have done fed time and lost two and a half years of his career for money laundering and the like had he “found God” prior to his mental brain farts.
Okay dumb athlete/public figure/regular ol’ person…don’t go flashing your “Only God Can Judge Me” tattoo that you have on your bicep, chest and/or back. I ain’t here to judge you, I’m only here to bring light to the fact that you shouldn’t be using God as some Ecclesiastical attorney to be called on in the convenient moment that something in your life goes incredibly apesh*t and then, poof, there’s God for you to hold up like the Big Joker in a spades game. And, yeah, I know I ain’t perfect – no one is – but you have to be careful when you play the God card because now that you’ve played that way it lessens the public opinion of God when you ultimately nut up and do something stupid again…which almost always happens. People will be looking at TV and see a mugshot or a stupid quote or a camera phone video shot inside of a strip club and say, “Hey, didn’t God take control of that dude’s life about 6 months ago? What’s up with God nowadays?” See what I mean, dumb athlete/public figure/regular ol’ person? You want to avoid that because as the angels sing at the foot of the throne in Glory  you don’t want God  slumped in his chair with his face in his hand thinking that he should have stopped creation with the lions and tigers after seeing you cut the fool on ESPN!
If you play the card, live the card. I’m willing to bet that if you live by the mandates of your deity of choice you will feel compelled to not do those things that lead you to craziness and then in front of a camera and ultimately Twitter. My advice is just to say, “You know what, I messed up, I’ll do what I can in the future to stay out of trouble as much as I can.” But if you know you’re apt to do something nutty in the same calendar year, God’s PR people said to leave him out of it; He just got the news about PacMan Jones and Hines Ward and He’s popping aspirin knowing that one of them is going to mention something about how they “found God” or they are “allowing God to take over”.
Humans, have mercy…
~thanks for reading.


  1. I like this sweetie.

    It’s why I’ve been telling folks for the last 5 or so years “Own your own sh*t”. It has kept me from having pity parties.


    • As always, thanks for coming by Michelle…and indeed taking ownership is a big part of this but I’d prefer people start living these fully God led lives before they clutter up the news because their foolishness only clutters up and ultimately delays the highlights of the game that I initially tuned in for.

  2. true. religious people only remember their gods at the times when they screw things up. I mean i’m not exactly a religious guy in the traditional sense but i hate it when people play the damn god card like it’s some ticket to public sympathy. thanks for an interesting and funny read dude!

    • Thanks so much for stopping by to read a bit. I really appreciate it. God as the ticket to public sentiment is, indeed, a poor play; glad I’m not the only one who thinks so.

  3. Skrap, this is some real talk. And color me, well at least the old me, a hit dawg…………

    My biggest self criticism about my own spiritual malnourishment was that I seemed to only want to pray when things got tight or when it was convenient to show up at somebodys church while having to fight myself to not wanna see some booty shakin. Yep I owns mine. What finally got revealed to me, and not too long ago in fact….was that I REALLY need to call on God in those times when I THINK everything is good – you know…the money is flowing, the women are loving me, and the bills are caught up. Since Ive gone through a good amount of time where that has NOT been the case lol….I must say I now truly know the meaning of Cant Nobody Do Me Like Jesus. I truly seek His will now and whole lot less of mine. Didnt make life easier….but it has definitely made life better.

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