“N-Word” Logic in Relationships

Yes, the word is uncomfortable for just about everyone save rappers, wannabe rappers, Klan members, and wannabe Klan members. I apologize in advance for my usage of the word as I do not find myself in any of the aforementioned sects listed previously. That word, nigga, is an ugly word. In any connotation, spelling, or circumstance it is a word that grates on the nerves of those that are intelligent and of higher thought. In short it is a word that paints its target as ignorant, slow or idiotic…

…so despite how ugly the word is, unfortunately it fits for today’s theme.

Nigger, Nigga, Niggah or any other of its spinoff spellings is not a person or a group of people, rather, the N-word is a mindset. It’s a state of mind that is so incredibly inane that you can’t help but think to yourself, “Man, that’s some Nigga type stuff right there!” Worse still is when you have groups of people that are ingrained into off-center ways of thinking so much so that what to regular people think is ridiculous is considered normal to them. This, ladies and gentlemen, we will deem nigga logic.

Buying pants big enough to sag and show your draws only to then stand around and hold them up with your free hand all day is dumb. If you bought them to sag around your knees why hold them up? Isn’t that defeating the purpose? Nigga Logic.

Complaining vehemently that you didn’t get the gig at company you interviewed with when you have 4 neck tattoos and you were fired from the last 3 jobs you had? Nigga Logic.

Saying that Nigga is an acronym for “Never Ignorant, Getting Goals Accomplished”? Nigga logic.

And then there’s this…

I was sitting around in a group of random people a few weeks back having drinks, talking loud about nothing in particular and partaking in overall general foolishness. As often in mixed gender company the conversation turned to relationships, specifically what people consider an ideal mate. Somewhere in that conversation I mentioned my age, thirtysomething, along with the fact that I have never been married and I don’t have any kids and not currently dating anyone. After that statement, the looks I got from the women there gathered were those reserved for someone that just admitted that he was an ax murderer and cuddles at night with the remains of his victims. Just for kicks I decided to inquire about the looks that now adorned the faces of the women there to see why I was getting the extra strength gas face from them. Here was the exchange…

Me: What’s that look for?

Girl #1: You don’t have ANY kids?

Me: Ummm, no.

Girl #2: And you’ve never been married? Along with no kids and you’re how old?

Me: [thirtysomething]

Girl #1: Something has to be wrong with you? Are you gay?

Me: I’m gay if I’m over thirty and never been married? You know that’s flawed thinking, right?

Girl #1: You don’t have any kids, dude. That’s suspect, something’s wrong with you.

It was at this point that I simply smiled, took a swig from my beverage and turned my attention to another conversation going on behind me simply because…

Nigga logic cannot be reasoned with.

Here’s the thing, things have become so twisted and thinking so absurd until anyone doing the right thing: finding a like-minded woman, asking her to be your bride, living together happily, and THEN having children after age thirty is deemed wrong or “gay”.  Apparently, the best way NOT to be considered gay in the city of Atlanta is to be married at least once but preferably a minimum of 2 times at this point in life OR along the way in my [thirtysomething] years of life have found 3-4 random women to impregnate. Then and only then will a man be considered regular or normal in this day in age.

Umm hmm.

And I’d consider that just an isolated incident of a couple of misguided chicks that have watched too much BET in their lifetime but I can’t because when I went to New Orleans for work a few weeks back and had a very similar conversation with some people that I met there I got the same “something must be wrong with you” statement that I got here in Atlanta from a young lady that I met there. Seems as though that line of logic extends beyond the Georgia state border; here I was thinking that I was being responsible by not having any kids and it turns out that I’m an outcast because of it. And it was here that I started to worry because if up is now down and down is now up I need to know. I mean, I can go out and just start going all NBA All Star and put a baby into any ol’ spare uterus if that means that makes me normal. If the way of nigga logic is now the rule rather than the far reaching exception then I can very well come to work tomorrow with the Atlanta skyline on my neck with a pair of jeans happily sagging away because God forbid I get left behind in the sweeping trends that make a person viable in society. But whatever I do I certainly don’t want to miss out on the woman of my dreams because I didn’t meet the previous marriage minimum that is now apparently the mandate.

But just when I open myself to this rapid reformation I remember where I come from and that belief won’t let me succumb to that thinking. As much as I have come to the realization that stupid thinking is running rampant I also know that there are other people like me that know what life is really about and that relationships don’t come with a minimum baby mama prerequisite. So I guess I’ll just hang in there and remain the responsible dude that I am, being safe at all turns and waiting on, not the perfect chick, but just the chick that’s just as screwed up as I am and then clubbing her over the head caveman style and taking her home.

In the meantime we’ve gotta keep these flawed thinkers from breeding.

~thanks for reading

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  1. The funny thing is that the women who asking if you were gay… you may as well have been to them because they made it very clear that they weren’t the type of women you were looking for anyway…

    • Thanks for reading, Tim…none of these conversations were initiated in a “I’m trying to get with you” type way…the topic around the table was simply “how many kids you have?” But even before all of that, aside from their being visually attractive, there was nothing about them that put me into chase mode. Maybe at 25….but not now at [thirtysomething]. LOL

  2. It is all part of the plan. They want to make it the norm for us to be out making babies, pants saggin (which is niggas backwards), and tatted up. The thing is we comply so well. I’m the same as you. I have never been married, I do not have kids, and I’m in my late 30’s. I get the same questions and looks when women find this out. I even had one woman to ask me, “Dang some girl haven’t tricked you into getting her pregnant? You are lucky.” I said, “No, just careful.”

    • True enough, Reggie, and thanks for reading. I was commenting on another blog when I mentioned once that two of my last three girlfriends/interests had gotten pregnant 6 months to a year after we split to which the reply from some woman was, “Hmmm, sex with you prolly just wasn’t good.” I didn’t bother to question that line of thinking that good sex is only good if it results in conception. Wonder how many kids she has by that logic?

  3. Advice from a MOM, YOURS Just remember who you are and who you belong to in all situations, know that you dont need validation from anyone to make you who you are. As much as I would like to have grandchildren from you, Im glad you are being choosey about their mother. Our family can do without the the baby mama drama. Im proud of you. You really are the man I prayed for you to be. I am continually praying for you and your sisters, my son-in-law, and grandchildren that you all can remain the strong Moral being you were raised to be, not perfect, just trying to do the right thing. Let all the N***** mentality slide off, and remeber what the word says about living. “So be very careful how you live. Do not live like those who are not wise, but live wisely”. Ephesians 5:15

  4. If that’s normal, then who wants to be normal? Geesh!

    I kinda wish I knew someone to set you up with because you seem like a pretty great catch.

  5. Awesome read as usual, Skrap! The n-word mentality will be the death of us. As someone who comes from a loving 2 parent household where mom and dad have been together for 40yrs, I know what it takes to build and preserve a long term relationship and, like you, I prefer to be the guy with standards and morals who does the right thing as opposed to trying to identify with the idiocy of the masses!

  6. Good stuff, Carlton. It happens to women as well. ALL of my female cousins (all younger than me and all with 2 or more kids) back home ask me every single time I go back to visit “When are you gonna have some babies?” My answer “When I get a husband.” Why is that so foreign to some folks? Parenthood is HARD WORK and I have no desire to do it alone or with some random dude just because he has good hair and pretty eyes.

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