Hey all. There’s nothing that I enjoy more than spending time with my family. Our conversations, our kindred spirits and our general silliness always seems to make Mom’s house a special place whenever we gather for an impromptu nuclear family reunion. For some reason though, Dad always leaves the room, either to take one of his oh-so-familiar naps in front of the TV or to watch CNN to find some new thing in the world to worry about leaving me there with a room full of women where I’m privy to conversations that are not altogether manly. Had my parents given me a little brother like I asked for all those years ago I would have some backup but, this here is the hand I was dealt and because I don’t want to listen to my Dad snore or go on and on about Mexican gangs running rampant, I stick it out with my Mother and sisters where the conversation on Mother’s Day was about, wait for it, Spanx. Now, it was bad enough that I was being subjected to a conversation about Spanx, girdles and all manner of body camouflage despite my efforts to change the subject, but then the conversation spun on its axis and all eyes focused on me, the only male in the room, and then this blast, “You see all that we go through for YOU MEN?! Y’all don’t have to do any of this stuff!”
There is truth to that. We men don’t go to nearly the lengths that women do in order to be looked at favorably. We don’t have to. I get a haircut, shower, dress up a little, spray on some of the good cologne, and then I’m done in 90 minutes tops. However, even doing that is in vain because unlike women, for us dudes, the look isn’t the thing when it comes to garnering the attention and affection of a lady. You know where I’m going with this right? A story for you…
I was on a business trip some years ago and killing some time in a restaurant until it was time for me to head to the airport for my flight home. I see this stunning woman walk in, face perfectly made up, her hair was immaculate, the dress she had on fit like someone poured it on her, her perfectly manicured toes were in a beautiful pair of heeled sandals that had straps tied nearly the entire length of her calf (drool). Her accessories were on point, her clutch matched the dress almost exactly and she had the walk of a woman that knew she demanded the eye of every man in the building. Then in walked her date. Jeans (sagging of course), tee shirt with a basketball jersey on top of that, the hair under the baseball cap turned backwards on his head looked about a week past time for a cut, his sneaker game was tight (of course) but I have a small island in Montana to sell you if you think that his ultra blinged out watch or chain was even platinum plated. Me and my co worker watched them both as they were escorted to their booth and couldn’t help but shake our heads at the odd couple now sitting across the way. As if scripted, we look at each other and said simultaneously, “He got money.”
Unfair? Probably; she might have just been into ‘hood dudes. But the matter here is that we don’t “have to do all of this stuff” like my sister reminded me during our family time last weekend because, well, we don’t have to do all of this stuff. We don’t have to go all out with the looks and the outward appearance in most cases because that doesn’t appear to be what’s important to women. What’s important to women, and I could very well be wrong here and that’s likely because I don’t have a woman pointing to the fact that I haven’t a strong clue in the first place, is security. Want to know why a slob of a dude can score the baddest chick in the room? Security. The ability to do for her; and yeah, money might have something to do with it but overall, security. Ladies want to know that everything is gonna be okay, that the roof is there, that the lights will obey when the switch is flipped, that there isn’t an echo in the refrigerator. Security. Ladies seem to need that above all else so talk all that Idris Elba talk if you want to because if dude is a 6’2, 215 pound rock of a man that looks like he was carved out of a block of onyx (or pearl if you roll that way) it means nothing if he can’t provide you with some sense of security and “stuff fulfillment”.
So since we know this we might not always have manicured toes or fingers, the hair might not always be cut EVERY Tuesday, the outfit might not always fit the situation, and we might even have on a team jersey when we take you to dinner even if that’s not nearly socially acceptable because in the grand scheme we’ve got it figured in our heads that is a secondary item for women. Conversely, it’s not a primary thing for women to provide security in the traditional relationship sense so more focus is on the exterior look more so than for us. So, no, I won’t be asking for a “Man Spanx” for my birthday as much as I could stand to hide some of this sexy goodness in my midsection because that’s not my primary area of concern; that is attaining a good enough job and means to make sure that I can make a woman feel secure in me as a dude.
So is there truth to this? Are women content to have a man that might not look the part but can give you what you need? And what is the real reason that women go to the lengths that they do? I’m very much like Drake when he says in the song “Fancy” that “You don’t do it for the men, men never notice, you just do it for yourself…” so while you might say that you’re doing it for men, is that really your bottom line reason? As women seem to be in a constant competition with the next chick I think they do it more to outdo another woman than it is to catch our eye. Tell me what you think, but in the meantime, for all you ladies out there, keep doing what you do because whether you do it for us or not, you look great doing it, especially when you do it in a sundress and strappy sandals. (drool)
~thanks for reading.
Join the party at: