I hate to write blogs that are more than 80% race specific. I think that it cuts down the complete comprehension level of my potential reading audience if I get too “problem specific” in my subject matter; but sometimes it can’t be helped, sometimes it’s unavoidable, sometimes I have to launch out into the deep to help my fellow man and sharers of the Black race. That time is now…and it’s because of line dancing. We’ve all been guilty of having done one or two in our day: The Electric Slide, The Cha Cha Slide, The Cupid Shuffle –they’re easy to pick up, they’re a tad addictive, and they’re not gender specific…except The Wobble.

The Wobble (a.k.a. the “Big Girl Anthem”) is a line dance – wait, check that – The Wobble is like the Godzilla of line dances. You can be at a small house party consisting of 6 people and a cat, having drinks and a generally good time, but then someone will make the mistake of turning on The Wobble and upon the first “OOOH!!” women will be kicking down your doors, sliding down your fireplace, and breaking out your windows and before you know it you have 53 people you don’t even know in your house doing The Wobble. Fact. It’s documented.

When you get a shot you should probably go check out the lyrics to The Wobble, which is likely a more explicit tune than you ever thought it was the first 37,862 times you heard it; it’s not exactly aimed at people with penises either. That in and of itself is not a reason for guys not to hit the dance floor when the tune hits, there’s no better place for a man to be than a dance floor that’s packed full of women, however you do have to slow yourself on this one. You can’t be like the guy in this video below. No need to spotlight who I’m talking about, you’ll know early on.

After that I feel the need to state a couple of ground rules as pertaining to Black men and the Wobble for the good of the race. Bear with me as I lay this out.

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Man Wobble Rule #1: Learn The Steps

Though it’s not the most man friendly tune, you still have to know the steps. Nothing is worse than being on the floor with dozens, wait, hundreds of beautiful women, and you’re trying to learn what you’re doing on the fly. Because there is no such thing as a Black party without The Wobble anymore (unfortunately) we are resigned to know how to do it. Hell, I’ve been to parties where this song was played 4 times consecutively; if you don’t learn the steps you run the risk of not dancing all night…and he who does not dance collects no phone numbers.

Man Wobble Rule #2: Temper Your Enthusiasm

Now that you know the steps, you have to remember this. Yes, the beat is infectious, it makes you want to move, but when the song’s hook is imploring “Big Girls” to “back it up” it ain’t the time for dudes to be spinning, twirling, and backing it up. (**Skrap’s Note: under no circumstances should a grown man ever be “backing it up” – just sayin’**) The man’s job during The Wobble should be to be the “catcher” of the woman’s back up. The moment a man twirls, jumps, or finds his arms above nipple level…(Skrap’s Note: The moment a man finds his arms above nipple level to any song on any dance floor he should immediately leave said dance floor and pound two glasses of whiskey to appropriately raise his man levels to normalcy)…to The Wobble he has officially moved himself from “Backer” to “Backee”. Easy there, fella.

Man Wobble Rule #3: Exit The Dance Floor IMMEDIATELY Following The Song

Because it’s daggone near a stone cold lock that the next song after The Wobble is Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” and I know you don’t want any parts of that one, right? I pray that you want no parts of that; else we’re scheduling interventions at your place of residence.

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So there it is; three easy rules for a Black man to follow during the inevitable playing of The Wobble at a party, gathering, or get together. I’m only here to help, guys, really; for the good and continuation of the race, I’m only here to help.

reference:  The Wobble (for those who dare)

~thanks for reading

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