Forgiveness and You…

The purpose of a good friend is to be a good drinking buddy, provide laughs, offer support, and in some cases, to completely verbally berate you when you’re being less than your expected full self. This happened to me this evening and I only post it here because it might help one of the 4 or 5 people that might still read the offerings on this page. 

Earlier tonight I posted something on my Facebook page along the lines of being a failed dater and probably better off being single for the rest of my life. This on the heels of a recent story that I told at a Moth Mainstage event I recently participated in where I alluded to being perpetually single and would never have a significant foray at love again. Both of these things go completely against everything that I actually want in my life but here I am broadcasting this vision of less than to audiences of thousands twice in a week. Not 15 minutes after hitting the post button on the status message my phone rang with my good friend on the other end.

**explicit language forthcoming**

“I’m tired of your shit.” After having not spoken to this person in a week or so that’s what they lead with so I figured I was in trouble. “You’re always talking about what you’re NOT going to get, and making up every excuse about what you CAN’T have and you’re steady NOT doing all of it because you’re basically programming yourself not to do it every damn day. The world ain’t in the business of offering mercy so give yourself some. Fuckin’ forgive yourself and move on.” And then there was silence because there was nothing I could say as valid defense. 

I don’t know how you feel about it but self inflicted wounds are the worst because the only one that can offer healing is you; but the funny thing about brains is that the rewind button works really well and the lowlight reels it likes to feature seem to always be in high definition. That’s a bad recipe for getting over bad memories, bad behavior, or bad experiences. Dwell on those horror movies enough and you’ll start to think that your past is your imprinted destiny. You start letting it come out in your actions, you don’t date or you torpedo relationships because you don’t trust another try at it. Or you engage in unseemly behaviors because why-the-hell-not, I ain’t gonna be happy so let’s spread some misery around. 

They continued, “You gonna mess around and be one of those Atlanta dudes that all them mad women on the internet be whining about on the internet. Get yourself together, it’s people you can talk to about that shit, man. You’re better than that.” 

We’re all better than that. The worst of us get stuck in the mud of the past then wallow and watch as the best of us learn from their losses and move themselves into life’s fast lane after learning from their miscues. There’s no hope in wallowing but there’s hope in forgiving yourself and making yourself better. Even in this crap year of 2020 where everything is askew, whether it be in love, life, business, or otherwise, learn to forgive yourself, strive to be a better you, center yourself in your faith, and move forward speaking and focusing on all the good that you want for your life because the universe is listening to what you tell it and it will give you exactly what you say you’re worthy of. Good and bad. 

Go out and have a good week. Or I’ll tell my buddy to call and cuss you out too.

7 comments

  1. Hi Carlton, I have been a fan of the Moth for a very long time, mostly listening in while on the elliptical in my basement. Never knowing what kind of story I will hear, I often find myself either laughing or crying, and neither is easy to do when you are gasping for breath already. Today I heard your story, and the tears flowed but I also felt something else, solidarity I guess, as so many parts of your story were like my own. I lost my Dad this past November, my parents married at 20 and mom had never lived alone, she left her parents home to live as husband and wife. My dad’s passing was very fast, he was here one moment, gone the next, and but while saying my goodbyes at the hospital, I too made that promise, that I would take care of my mom. It’s so very hard loosing a parent, but watching the other grieve and feel that loss of their other half can be just as difficult. I live across the street from my mom and am doing my very best to keep my promise to Dad.
    Connections we feel with others, especially this day and age, are so interesting, but after hearing your story, this woman from rural Connecticut felt a small connection, and comfort, hearing someone’s story so very similar. Blessings!!

    • This, my new comrade in patent raising, was beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story. It ìs a hard place to be initially, but the time we get to spend is a reward greater than any dollar amount. I appreciate your kind words and thanks so much for dropping by! 🙂

      • Thanks Carlton, I felt a need to tell you your story really resonated with me and connected two different people, and to thank you for sharing it. Wishing you and mom and your family good health and good blessings.

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