Helpful Hints For Your Thanksgiving

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving to all of you! This blog is certainly not the biggest or most read landing spot on the internet, but I’m immensely grateful for everyone that takes the time to read my modest offerings here.

The lead up to Thanksgiving has been filled with the do’s and do not’s of food preparation. At this point most everyone knows that the turkey must be seasoned, the dressing shouldn’t be dry, and, for best results, the mac and cheese should be made by someone that still drives a 1992 Buick Regal. So I’m here to offer some quick ancillary Thanksgiving notes that will assist in helping you have a happy, safe, and 9-1-1 free holiday.

The Mac and Cheese should arrive in this, or else you should send it back from whence it came
  1. That Argument In The Den Ain’t Your Business – The raised voices between family members will happen about half the time that family gathers. It’s usually something small at first, teasing about someone’s clothes, sports team affiliation, or the mac and cheese that somebody’s girlfriend made for the dinner that showed up in a 2018 Altima. Your job is to let those raised voices stay in the den by themselves. The more people that show up the more your crazy cousin Lou and your Crown Royal drinking Uncle Dan feel they have to put on a show. Because God help you if those two hollering and stomping in the same room as your mama’s china cabinet causes one of those “good plates” to fall over. God help you. **note: most often the good plates don’t come out for holiday dinners in Black families because no one has time to wash all that, we eating off the styrofoam jail trays**
  2. Baby, Why Is You Overdressed? – Unless you are GQ Uncle of the family or you think that your Boo you been dating is finally going to propose in front of his family, there’s no good reason that you should be rocking any fancy gear to dinner. You’re gonna sitting in the corner trying not to look uncomfortable after that first plate of turkey and dressing all because you wanted to come to dinner dressed as the sixth member of The Whispers or cinch yourself all up in that shapewear under that winter white pantsuit. Sweatpants and hoodies, shawty. If you ain’t showing up to dinner dressed like you’re going to see Wu-Tang after, you’re doing it wrong.
  3. Everybody’s Microwave Ain’t The Same – Three minutes ain’t created equal. Typically we know what our microwaves, and maybe the microwave in the breakroom at work, is capable of. The microwave at Auntie Rose’s house not so much. If you have to warm your food up this lack of knowledge can go one of two ways. The first is that you take your food out of the microwave after three minutes, get to your seat and discover that the food didn’t get warm all the way through so now you have to go back to the microwave and wait because there are three people waiting to use it; you know how much football you can miss in 12 to 15 minutes?? OR….You take your food out of the microwave after three minutes, get to your seat and discover that your Auntie’s microwave is set on “nuclear reactor” and now you’re at urgent care because your nose is collapsing into the hole where the roof of your mouth used to be. Those three minutes can go either way. Watch somebody else warm up their plate in that unfamiliar microwave before you do.

I could on but my mother is calling me into the family room for dinner now and I need to change into these sweatpants right quick. May all of your Thanksgivings be filled with family, love, and no unplanned trips to urgent care.

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