Intimacy in Reverse…

Kiss. It’s more than a 70’s glam rock band or a funky little ditty by Prince but it’s the most recognizable show of affection in the world. There are several firsts in all of our lives but there are few that stick with us like our first kiss, not the playful peck on the lips that we get when we’re on the playground in the 5th grade, or in my case the 2nd, but that serious first kiss; that eyes closed, head tilted, tight embrace, tongue dancing kiss that leaves us breathless at its conclusion.

I know where mine was.

I thought I’d been kissed until Cheryl, a piano playing performing arts student at my high school, really let me have it in the Avondale Mall arcade next to the Pop-A-Shot machine. I think I legitimately heard angels singing while Cupid beat-boxed a smooth groove in my ear as she taught me the way of the grown up kiss that afternoon after school. For the entirety of our torrid 5 week 10th grade love affair we spent a lot of time repeating that feat until we did what most high school sophomores who think they are in love do, we broke up. But the kisses didn’t stop, they continued with the next girlfriend, and the one after that; and it got to the point that kisses really weren’t all that big a deal. In fact, a girl didn’t even have to be a girlfriend anymore as kissing was no longer a girlfriend thing, it had degenerated to a simple mark maker; to send her back into her parents’ house just before her curfew thinking, “Damn, he was a really good kisser” and be anxious to go out with me again sometime soon. The kiss, which had started as something shared with that one special girl, had become nothing more than a high school aged calling card that said, “If you want some more of this lip action, baby, you know exactly where to find me…but don’t call after11pm because my parents don’t like that.” I’m guessing that it’s very much the same now.

Intimacy is a lost art probably because most people don’t know what it really is. Things have graduated to the point now that if you asked a random teenager on the street what intimacy is, the chances are likely that he or she would immediately equate it to sex. Even among adults there seems to be a disconnect with how to show affection to someone of the opposite sex without knowing the locatation of their birthmark and where all their moles are. And while there are several ways to show affection to your love, significant other, girlfriend, boyfriend, boo, shawty, or sweetheart there is only one that openly denotes to the outside world that this person that you see me with is mine.

And that’s holding hands.

No matter how much a woman thinks her man is the sh*t and no matter how good he lays it to you when you need it laid down that dude ain’t really feeling you if he’s not willing to get you by the hand and walk at least a city block holding onto you, and not that BS locking pinkies mess either where we can immediately disengage if one of our boys should pop up further down the block. The same thing works in reverse, if a dude is on some real Ralph Tresvant “Sensitivity” type stuff and is reaching for a lady’s hand while out and about and she steady reaching in her purse for something instead of grabbing back then it’s likely dude is nothing more than a jump off that is simply blessed to spend the afternoon with her in public for a change. Back to the original point though, when we have you by the hand that’s a declaration to whomever, our boys, our ex that we run into downtown, and whoever else we come across that this one right here is the one that we’re ridin’ with. Anything less than that and you’re just some chick that we’re walking next to that we can quickly label a friend if a cutie in a form fitting sundress walks by.

My most recent girl would often check me, “Lock my fingers!”, she would say as we walked down the street or in the mall or in the park and I would, not because she was crazy and I was afraid of her – much – but because she was mine and I wanted to because she was my chick, inside and out, vertically and horizontally. Most dudes are too cool to put themselves out there like that but it’s amazing what we’re willing to do for the right woman.

This is just my opinion though, strangely enough, a number of this new breed of woman out here really doesn’t check for that type of connection anymore long as you get her a new bag or feed her shoe habit a little bit, so your results with your lady may vary. Just know that kissing is passé, and sex while entertaining and fabulous exercise isn’t the intimate act that it once was; if you’re looking for a way to know if someone is really checking for you, ask them to hold your hand in public, they get extra points if they do it at the beach or the mall or anyplace that would damage their chances to hook up elsewhere.

To the group, what are your thoughts? What’s intimacy to you and your mate and how do you show it? Is it a spiritual connection? A physical one? Is it even important to you in the first place if someone shows in a public way that they belong to you and you them? Share and share alike and have a great weekend.

~thanks for reading

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  1. One day I’ll have to get you to explain “shawty” to me, I havve watched enough TV to understand when it is used and what it’s referring too (Dee, 1st season oof The Wire, used it often), but I fear I may not really get it.


    • LOL Bobby! Thanks for stopping by man…Once you’re up in the Maryland area “shawty” becomes “shorty” which isn’t always interchangeable. Generally, shawty started as a term speaking to your significant other but now shawty can even be a dude or a girl dependent on context

      A Girl at the park: “Hey Shawty! Come here, lemme talk to you a minute.”
      One of your boys on the block: “You see the game last night, shawty, Sh*t, that game was tight!”

      In either case, I wouldn’t advice the usage out there in Arizona, start introducing too much unfamiliar slang and the local gov’t might try and deport you.

    • Wait: Bobby, you just read a really great article on the joys of subtle intimacy, and your only comment is to ask what “shawty” means?!

  2. Taking a deep breath, wow. I’m big on intimacy hand holding, snuggling, lots of physical non-sexual contact is a big deal for me, you already know I’m real big on hugs. But all of that started with mentally connecting with my partner. Followed up with lots of flirting to the pot simmering at all times all you have to do is turn it up a little to get things going. I’ve been flirting all morning.

  3. Intimacy to me definitely constitutes holding hands, soft passionate kisses, being held by my s.o., etc. Intimacy can be displayed in many non sexual exchanges, which can lead to a sexual experience like no other. And you are right, these young women out here in the world don’t know jack scrap about what intimacy really means, and they mess it up for the rest of the female population whose trying to keep that spark going.

  4. This was a good one right here…I aint gonna front I practice the intimacy as much as a should but this was definitely a great reminder of how I should

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