Hey God, what’s shakin’ –

When I was a kid one of the life lessons my mother told me was if I was going to ask you for something then I needed to be specific about my requests lest I end up with what I want under unusual circumstances. Remember last New Year’s Eve when I wrote down my wish for a new job? I probably should have told you I didn’t want to lose the one I had first then sit in unemployment hell for 7 months in order to get it. Point taken and lesson learned. So this year I’ll try to make this as poignant as I can in as simple way as I can so that this year nothing gets lost in translation. Sound good? Okay, cool.

There’s lots that I want for 2011, I’d love a new car, I’d love financial independence, I’d like a new house with a pool in the backyard or at least the ability to do some major tinkering to the one that I have. I’d really like to buy my Dad a car, I’d love to pay for my nieces’ grad school efforts and I’d really like to have the movie Inception on Blu-Ray(okay, that one is easy, I’ll take care of that one as You have other things to do). I’d like a new computer because I’ve just about killed the one that I have. I really want to lose 50 pounds and I really need to pull that guitar over there out of the corner and restart my lessons or I’ll never be able to play and woo some woman someday…and speaking of that.

I mean, I know you know the situation considering You’re up there looking at all the mess that goes on down this way so obviously you see the fact that I’m not the most adept when it comes to the fairer sex. I don’t think that it’s for lack of trying; I’m a good dude, perhaps too good for my own good. My friends down here say that “I’ll never get a woman because I’m simply too nice”. I guess that’s a burden that I’ll live with, You sent me down here to a good set of parents that taught me how to treat people so if being too nice is what’s going to keep me solo then I’ll deal with that…I guess.

Now I’m not going to come here and talk that “Woe is me, nobody likes me at all, goodbye cruel world” type mess because that won’t fly. It’s not that I don’t have dates or luck with women. I do. I’ve had some great ones come my way, even the ones whose names ended with “a”; but there was always something that went awry and things came off the tracks. But since Heaven’s switchboard is probably jammed packed at this point I’ll cut to the chase.

I just want an unconditional admiration. Not too much to ask right? I mean, you can relate with that because of the whole “No other gods before me” commandment you threw in there. And while I’m not speaking on terms that grandiose I do want a woman to look at me and say,

“That dude, I’ll ride with. No matter what. I’ll take his imperfections, the fact that he may snore a little, that he’s a little messy but will clean when prodded. I’ll endure his silly streaks and try not to choke him when he’s not paying full attention because he’s playing NBA Live on PlayStation. I’ll take the fact that he’s not a rich man or the consummate social butterfly I’ll take the fact that he no longer looks like the picture of the soccer player he was a few years ago that he keeps on the refrigerator as a reminder not to go for that second helping. I’ll take that dude as he is because I think he’s perfect the way he is. And we’ll have children, and a nice house on the corner, and I’ll smile when he’s sitting at his computer with our son balanced in his lap trying to write something impressive for his potential legion of fans because he’s mine and You sent him here for me specifically for me to love.”

That’s what I want a woman to say when she looks at me. She can be someone I’ve never met, she can be someone that I’ve known for years, or she can be someone that I’ve dated before. Just keep me away from the women that are extremely interested for two weeks or a month only switch field to say that they aren’t ready to date, then I see them out the next month with their new boyfriend or have someone tell me “hey you know that girl you were seeing that said you were moving too fast is pregnant by some dude, right?” Just set the right woman’s mental GPS for wherever I might be at the appointed time as I’m really exhausted with living a reverse Lifetime movie. Now, that said…

Fix me.

Primarily, fix me.

I am not so naïve to think that I am not in some way culpable for the shortcomings of my life and relationships, both romantically and platonic. You have to consider the common denominator in such cases and that common denominator is me. So, whatever it is about me, I just ask that you pull out Your tool kit and fix me and in the process shape me into the man that You envisioned me to be when You sent me here in the first place. Help me to be a more responsible, loving and caring person. Help me to consider others a little more thoughtfully. Help me, quite simply, to be a man worth loving. And when you’re done tinkering and shaping me up I’ll not only be worth loving but I’ll be ready to take on every challenge You have for me here, perhaps not single handedly sending my nieces to grad school, but other challenges I think I could handle.

So I guess that’s it. 2010 was an interesting one. Lost some friends, gained some more. Cried a little, laughed far more than that. Didn’t write nearly enough, but I started a pretty cool blog; You should probably read it sometime when You’re not dispatching angels. Thanks for my friends, for my family, my parents, and my job. Hopefully when I write this version of this letter next year I’ll be doing so as a better dude based on this year’s request.

Thanks, God!

Happy New Year, all. Love one another.

Skrap