Back Away From My Desk!!

“Who’s that peekin’ in my window? POW!! Nobody now…” -Goodie Mob


We’ve all been there right? We’re sitting at our desk or cubicle or wherever we sit for 7-8 hours per day enjoying something on our own monitor and you feel the eyes looking your way. You turn around to see that nosy co-worker looking over the back of your chair trying to see what you’re looking at! Isn’t that the worst? Even worse is the person that, on a rare occasion, commandeers your desk because “something is wrong with my Outlook!” or “I needed that file that’s on the network and I couldn’t get it from my computer.” DAGGONNIT!!! GET OFF MY COMPUTER!!! I stepped away from my cube today and a coworker was standing at my desk flipping through a notebook and the “what the heck” look on my face must have been apparent because they immediately went into the “my bad, just needed to get this file real quick.”

Now, folk, it wasn’t a big deal that they needed the file, in fact, I’m glad that they got it because it was something I was going to have to work on later but the fact of the matter is, “You’re in my space! Back away from my space! It’s mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!!!: So once I got my space back and got the smell and everything back to normal I sat there and thought to myself, “Skrap, how can you keep these folk away from your desk?” The list below is what I came up with…feel free to borrow them if you need to.


1. Have a scrolling marquee as your screensaver and have it say one of the following:     

     a) Satan is my homeboy 

     b) Bring back death by the Guillotine

     c) Unabomber in training

2. If you see someone in your space, say calmly, “I remember this one time at my first job this dude was at my desk and I just snapped and started shoving pushpins in his back. I don’t know what happened to me that day but no one ever stood by my desk again after that.”

3. If the offender is one of our Caucasian friends start rifling through Public Enemy lyrics, talk about that Farrakhan rally you attended back in 1988 (“you know, when he REALLY didn’t like y’all..”), or start mumbling audibly (but to yourself) about your mental preparation for the impending revolution against “The Man.”


These are just a few. If you have any suggestions feel free to leave them here for your friends to use. I’m certain that it will keep your area at work clear causing a happier and more productive workplace. 🙂


  1. Mr. Parks you are indeed special! But I am funny about my space too. So what I say to folks that I catch at my desk or in my office is oh don’t worry I am not attached to anything here but my pocketbook (purse). Have you seen it? I left it sitting right there, pointing to an empty spot.

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