I’ve always wanted to be rich, preferably wealthy because that speaks to long term money rather than passing fancy money, my reasons for wanting this is many but the main reason is that I hate to wait. People with money don’t have to wait on anything, nothing at all and if they have even one minute of their precious rich time wasted they rant and rave like a sugar deprived child in the candy aisle until someone sees them…and when they are seen what is the first thing that they say? “Do you know who I am and what I have?” (or some derivative) In my work experience the most rude and inhospitable people I ever attempted to help were those that were well to do simply because no one does entitlement like the rich. My introduction into the world of the well to do would be more than for my benefit but also to let the world know that one can be well off without being the backside of a donkey. But I still wouldn’t like to wait…

But then I thought about it, think of all the cool things that you would miss when you’re standing there in the “Official I’m Standing In Line” pose. If you don’t know what that is the official standing in line pose is arms folded, leaning back slightly with your lips tightly pursed together, then shifting weight from one foot to another as the wait gets longer and longer. This pose only changes if you’re at the grocery store and you have the buggy (shopping cart for all my up north friends) to lean on. Think of all the wonderful things that you would see as you’re there standing waiting to pay a bill, or see a teller, or whatever else you’re standing in line for that you would ultimately miss if you had the wherewithal to skip out. Case in point…

Yesterday, in where else – Decatur, I was out and needed to drop my cable bill in the box at the Comcast store but since I didn’t have the bill with me I had to go inside and stand in line. It was my own fault for going so late in the afternoon, it was roughly 5:05pm when I got there and the location closed at 6:00 so I was in with all of the other slackers who decided to wait until the 11^th hour to get in and out and on with their cable television lives. It was a small location, it was narrow with a scant amount of space so suffice it to say that there was a bunch of humanity tightly wound within the retractable lines of the waiting queue and beyond since the line at that point was out of the door.

The first thing you notice is the look of extreme displeasure on the faces of the friendly neighborhood cable employees. Less than an hour from getting off work and there’s a line out the door letting all of the precious air conditioning out. Not exactly the welcoming atmosphere befitting a room full of people about to give away a minimum of $85-95 dollars. The thing about Georgia heat is that if a room starts to heat up it’s going to take a while for the A/C to catch back up to get the temperature back to somewhere resembling normal so now that it’s hot inside everyone has the “screwface” to go along with their “Official Standing In Line” pose. Then just as I was about to turn my attention to Facebook via my mobile phone I take a gander at one of the ladies in line ahead of me. My guess is that she didn’t live far from where we were because it wasn’t what she had on; rather it was what she DIDN’T have on as she stood there in her Official Standing in Line pose with her folded arms on top of her breasts. Perhaps she thought it would be a quick trip and no one would notice that she decided to let her seemingly double F’s roam free while she paid bills but it was neither sexy, or attractive, or cute…and this comes from the President of the I Love Boobs committee. Once I took my eyes off that travesty it was the obligatory person that reaches the representative and wants to complain about the bill. Cable prices are high, we all know that and you knew how much the bill was when it came in the mail weeks ago so instead of holding up progress ranting about leaving them for another company why don’t you just scratch the check and get out of the way. As if on cue the required baby starts crying in the room, likely because she was hot and tired of listening to the bill complainer complain about her bill that she was going to pay anyway if she had any aims on seeing Maury Povich (she just had an “I watch Maury Povich” kinda vibe about her).  Of course the mother holding the baby didn’t offer the baby anything to stop her from crying as she looked over her bill so then the lady behind started in with the loud baby talk in an effort to appease the child which did two things, it made the baby talker look extremely foolish and secondly made the baby cry louder as if to say, “I don’t want you to talk to me, I want to EAT, dammit!” And just when I didn’t think anything else could add on in walked “too loud cell phone conversation woman”.

We all know “too loud cell phone conversation woman”, she lacks tact, knows very little about the possession of an inside voice, and feels like everyone in a mile radius needs to know about what pissed her off at work today. In listening to one half of the conversation you wonder how anyone on the other end could entertain such foolishness, such episodes of hyperbole. First thing that came flying out of her mouth at top volume as she flung the door to the location open was “If I go to work tomorrow and she talking that bulls**t again I’m gonna just knock her a** out.” In this economy? Unlikely. Then, “I don’t know what her problem is, she kissing the manager’s a** all the time, I don’t play that!” At this point I’ve closed my eyes and have thrown my head back as if to beg God to make this ordeal end. Then the kicker, “I wouldn’t be surprised if she ain’t been on top of two of those supervisors in there, that’s the only way she could try to pull rank on anybody.”

Mercifully, I got called to the next available rep. I’ve never been so happy to give away money in my entire life. But think of how boring the ordeal would have been if I’d just waited until I got home and paid it online, or on the phone, instead of saying “hey I can just go in here since I’m in the neighborhood and pay it.” I wouldn’t have had this wonderful tale to tell about air conditioning that can’t keep up with the Georgia heat, you wouldn’t have the stirring recollection of breasts bigger than my head roaming free near some woman’s belly button, you’d have no idea about the customers doing on-site price comparisons between her bill and what she’d pay if she got the same package on satellite, the amusement of the crying baby trying to avoid the crazy lady behind her jingling her keys in efforts to get her to quiet down…and of course angry cell phone lady that thinks that her meddling coworker likes to sleep with the supervisors.

Now that I think about it, boring is nice, I’m signing up for autopay.

~Thanks for reading 🙂